You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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