So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
