Got a toothbrush?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We left the knife in your bed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
