She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
