The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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