do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize