you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
