Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
