I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Still dying that you shit outside
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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