bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
