I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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