If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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