Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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