You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
