I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
