just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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