so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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