walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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