so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
