Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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