is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
