I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
