i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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