just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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