At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
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I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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