Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize