I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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