Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
