isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Less talking, more tequila
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
