I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
