I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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