She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
