How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
