apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
