No stitches, just platelets and will power
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
