Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
