I seem to have left my pride at pride
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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