Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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