the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
wow bdsm is so cute
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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