i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
