I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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