In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
