nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
