dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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