Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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