im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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