my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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