don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
