my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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