I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
