So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
