My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
