oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
