I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
