in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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