is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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