Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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