I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
