Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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