giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
