remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
