before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
