One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
