God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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