i just made my gag reflex go away.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
