My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
