someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
