i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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