I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
