see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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