I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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