Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
