yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
