There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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