I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
