Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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