Taylor Swift is so right about you.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
