Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize