Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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