She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
